First, I want to acknowledge the immense pain and confusion you must be feeling right now. After 30 years of marriage, finding out that your husband has engaged in inappropriate behavior, especially after so much shared history, can feel like the ground has been pulled out from under you. I hear your heart—the hurt, the questions, and the desire to seek God’s wisdom in the midst of this storm. It’s clear that you are not ready to give up, and that speaks volumes about your strength and your faith.

The first thing I want to encourage you with is this: God is close to the brokenhearted, and He binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). He sees you, Erica, right in the middle of your hurt. He knows the pain of betrayal, and He stands ready to walk with you through the hardest moments. You’ve already taken the first step by seeking His wisdom, which is far greater than the advice of the world.

As you contemplate fighting for your marriage, I want to remind you that there is hope in Christ, even in situations that feel broken beyond repair. Scripture shows us countless stories of redemption, including how God restores relationships and hearts that seem too damaged to heal. Take the story of Hosea and Gomer, for instance. Gomer was unfaithful, yet Hosea was called to love her and pursue reconciliation. Hosea’s commitment to his wife mirrors God’s relentless love for us, even when we are unfaithful to Him. This story may serve as a reminder that, though the world may push for easy solutions like walking away, God often calls us to a higher path—a path of love, grace, and forgiveness.

You asked if there’s hope for healing and forgiveness in your marriage. I believe there is, but it will require honesty, transparency, and a willingness to confront the deep wounds between you and Michael. Healing cannot happen in the shadows, and right now, the secret you’re holding—that you know about Michael’s conversations—must be brought into the light. Ephesians 5:11 says, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” That doesn’t mean you should confront him in anger, but rather in a spirit of truth and grace, seeking to begin the hard conversations necessary for healing.

I understand that you feel like the man you’ve loved for so long has become a stranger, and trust has been shattered. It’s important to know that rebuilding trust is a process, and it won’t happen overnight. There may be setbacks along the way, but with God at the center, there is always hope. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Even when you don’t know what steps to take next, you can trust that God will guide you as you lean on Him.

As you move forward, here are some practical steps to consider:

1. Pray for Wisdom and Strength: Before taking any steps, pour your heart out to God. Let Him know your hurt, your anger, and your fears. Ask for the strength to confront Michael with love and truth. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” He will provide the guidance you need.

2. Have a Heartfelt, Honest Conversation: It’s crucial to address what you’ve discovered. Healing can’t begin without honesty on both sides. Approach Michael not from a place of accusation, but from a place of wanting to understand and to rebuild what has been broken.

3. Seek Godly Counsel: This is not a battle you are meant to fight alone. Find a trusted Christian counselor or pastor who can walk with you and Michael through this season. Sometimes, having a third party to guide conversations and help with accountability can be a powerful tool in the healing process.

4. Focus on Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing what happened, but it’s about releasing your heart from the grip of bitterness. Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” As you forgive, you allow God to work in your heart and in your marriage, paving the way for true reconciliation.

5. Trust in God’s Plan: No matter how dark things seem right now, remember that God can redeem even the most broken situations. Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” Trust that He can work miracles in your marriage as you both seek His will.

Lastly, Erica, remember that you are not defined by this struggle, nor by Michael’s actions. Your worth and identity are found in Christ alone, and He calls you His beloved daughter. As you walk through this difficult time, know that Jesus is with you every step of the way, offering you peace, strength, and hope.

There is no easy path ahead, but with God’s help, healing and restoration are possible. I pray that you find the courage to take the first steps toward reconciliation, trusting in the One who can make all things new.

In Christ’s love,