First, let me say how deeply sorry I am that you are walking through such a heartbreaking and painful season. The betrayal of a spouse cuts deeply, especially when it happens during a time when you were selflessly caring for your family. The hurt and confusion you’re feeling are natural responses to such a significant breach of trust. I want to honor the courage it took to share your story and to seek help as you walk through this valley. Know that you are not alone in this, and God sees your pain.

It’s important to acknowledge that healing from betrayal, especially an affair, is one of the most difficult and complicated processes a person can go through. It touches the core of who you are, making you question your worth, your identity, and your place in the marriage. And yet, you’re committed to the path of healing and to keeping God at the center of this journey. That is no small thing—this is a huge step toward rebuilding, even when it feels impossible.

The feelings of not being “enough” for your husband are wounds the enemy will try to deepen, using lies to make you question your value. But let me remind you of a fundamental truth: your worth is not tied to your husband’s actions or his sin. Your identity and value come from Christ. Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” You are God’s beloved daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made, and no sin of another can diminish that.

You mentioned the difficulty of forgiving and forgetting. Let’s be honest—forgetting may never come. The pain of betrayal leaves scars, and while the memory may remain, forgiveness is what sets you free. But forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Jesus commands us to forgive, not because it’s easy, but because it’s part of how He wants to free our hearts from the grip of anger and bitterness. Matthew 6:14-15 reminds us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Forgiveness does not excuse what happened, nor does it erase the hurt, but it allows God to begin healing your heart.

However, forgiveness doesn’t mean you will instantly feel healed. The pain you are feeling is real, and God wants you to bring that pain to Him. When you feel overwhelmed by anger, despair, or anxiety, remember that God invites us to bring all of those things to Him. “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Each time the enemy tries to drag you back into a pit of anger or insecurity, take that moment as an opportunity to surrender it to the Lord, trusting Him to renew your strength and restore your peace.

Regarding your husband’s actions, it is important for both of you to address the deeper issues. Infidelity and sinful behavior, such as seeking out immoral content, often stem from brokenness. Open, mature conversations need to happen about the deeper wounds in both of your hearts. I would also encourage seeking godly, Christian counseling to help navigate this journey—healing will require support from those who are grounded in God’s truth and can offer wisdom and guidance.

Lastly, I understand the difficulty in trusting your husband again, especially when his actions have created such a deep wound. Rebuilding trust is a long and fragile process, but with God, it is not impossible. God specializes in redeeming the broken. If both of you continue to seek Him, He can make beauty out of ashes (Isaiah 61:3). But this will require transparency, accountability, and, as you mentioned, keeping God at the center. When you are tempted to control or fix things on your own, I encourage you to hand those worries over to God and trust Him to work on your husband’s heart as well as your own.

You are facing an incredibly difficult battle, but remember, you are never fighting alone. Lean into God’s arms—He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Surround yourself with wise, trusted individuals who can lift you up in prayer and offer you godly counsel. Above all, hold onto hope: with God, nothing is impossible. He can restore your heart and even your marriage if both of you continue to walk in faith and repentance.

I pray that God will pour His peace over your heart and mind, that He will strengthen you to forgive, and that He will guide you and your husband as you seek healing together.

In Christ’s love,